Last Night.

Last night, I went to sleep with a happy smile on my face.
I don't remember the last time I did that.
Note to self: This is difficult. And frustrating. And weirdly nice at the same time.

You.

“And I can barely look at you,
But every single time I do,
I know we’ll make it anywhere,
Away from here.
Light up, light up,
As if you have a choice,
Even if you cannot hear my voice-
I’ll be right beside you, dear.”
- Run (Snow Patrol)

It’s crazy how much these lyrics remind me of You.

I’ve had people walk into my life quietly and unobtrusively, whom I’ve become close to. I’ve had people run into my life, and with sudden speed, I’ve developed intense friendships. And then I’ve had You, sauntering casually into my life, and in a matter of months, changing it completely. Words, or even sentences, for that matter, will not be able to explain how much You mean to me. We started off with zilch interaction, barely knew of each other’s existence, and look at us now.

You got me through a very difficult time. I know You say that I shouldn’t thank You for it, but I do. I never opened up to anyone about it, You were the only one. You never gave me unwanted advice, You never pushed me this way or that, or made meaningless comments- You were just there, to listen and give support. You gave me the strength to pick myself up and carry on.

We have a strange relationship indeed. Looking back at the way we started, I can hardly imagine us as those two same people. We’ve truly come a long way. It’s a surreal friendship. We’re as different as football and pink pajamas, and yet somehow, I look forward to our special time together. Our ideologies are poles apart, and yet, somehow, I get You, and You get me. We’ve learnt to embrace each other’s little quirks and individual ideas- and it’s brought us closer. Our relationship isn’t defined by anything- and that’s what I love about it.

It’s ironic that You recommended the song Run to me in the first place, and now it reminds me so strongly of You. I stand by the lyrics- certain circumstances stand in the way, but we can make it anywhere, with a bond like this. And I will always be right beside you, even if I’m not there in person.

There’s so much I could say to you, but everything’s said, yet unsaid. Thank You for being in my life. It’s going to be an amazing journey indeed.

It's been a year already.

Yes. It's been a year. It's strange how fast time flies. Dubious cups of coffee drunk at Milon-da's, sitting at the Ledge, lazing around on the grass, friendly adda sessions and random conversations- and before you know it, a year's gone by. Everyone's been saying, "We're the ickle firsties no more." But deep down at heart, I think we always will be.

I've been tagged by Reeti to write about my first day at JUDE. So here goes:

I remember it was a very rainy-stormy day. I had to go to Xaviers in the morning to cancel my admission, got thoroughly drenched, and took a cab to JU. Mom calls up, says, "It's terrible weather. Are you sure you have to go today?" I said, "Yeah, I do." And off I went.

Arunava was a big help. He was waiting for me at the gate with that huge umbrella of his, his trousers rolled up to his knees (I remember thinking, "Wow- he has surprisingly hairy legs!"). He gave me a slight tour of JU, and then, it was time for the admission procedures to start.

The first person I remember looking at was Lav. I recognized him because I'd seen him before at the British Council Play Festival the year before (of course, he had been bald then). He was wearing all-white. (But, of course!) And then, Pujarini came over to me and scolded me for not recognising her. I knew Pujarini too, although I'd never met her before.

One by one, the names were called, and we went in. I was sitting opposite Malobika Sarkar, and Prof.Lal beside her. He smiled at me as I sat down, asked how my brother was. Then Tintin-da says, "Oh, is she Bodhi's sister?" I said, "Yup. That's me." Then he says, "Did you write a poem in your answer script too?" I just smiled mysteriously. Haha!

I made friends with Shreya right after that. She was standing right behind me, I discovered that we had a friend (BDC) in common. So we got to talking, figured out common acquaintances. I guess you could say she was my first college friend. And then I met Mrinalini Sen. She looked familiar, I had the feeling I'd seen her before. We talked too, about theatre, and I realised that we had a common thread too.

I remember filling up my fee book at that little table. I had some doubt about what to write in a particular box, and I think Abhijan was sitting beside me, he helped me out. I might be wrong, it could have been someone else, but I fancy it was him.

The rest of it passed in a blur, and then we were called upstairs, where Insiya made us all introduce ourselves. I remember noticing Somdev, for some reason. And Shreya got up and said, "Hi, I'm Shreya from GDB, and I'm hyperly excited to be here" with that trademark smile of hers!

Then some of the Professors came in, and we were introduced to a certain someone's PJs, and no- I don't mean Moplah. I guess you all know who I'm talking about. But no names mentioned, eh?

Rimi-di warned us all against plagiarism, Tintin-da didn't say much, just smiled a lot, and Amlan-da fluttered his eyelashes. I think Supriya-di talked quite a bit. I remember Pujarini sitting right at the back, and asking Prof.Lal, "When is the JUDE annual theatre production?"

Then it was time to choose the EDs. Lav was very confused about what to take, and Prof.Lal told Arunava to 'help out a fellow Jacobean'.

That's most of what I remember. It was a pretty eventful day. We met each other for the first time. And at the back of everyone's minds was the thought, "Will I fit in? Will I make friends? Will my seniors like me?"

I took some time to settle down, and shake into things. I took a couple of months to get used to JUDE properly. And now of course, I love it like my second home. I've made awesome friends here, I've had awesome times here with them, most of the classes have been great, and so- here's to Second Year!

Tagged by The Soliloquist!

4 Jobs I’ve Had (in chronological order):
The School Age (The Asian Age), Trans World Features, Femina, and most recently- JUDE baker. (Heh!)
4 Movies I Could Watch Over And Over:
A Clockwork Orange, My Fair Lady, Pretty Woman, Roman Holiday.
4 Places I’ve Lived In (In order):
Thankfully, just the one- home.
4 TV Shows I Like:
Friends, Desperate Housewives, The Simpsons, Ally McBeal.
4 Favourite Foods:
Chicken Tetrazinni, Bhetki with Shorshe and Kaacha Aam, Kosha Mangsho, and Chocolate Cake.
4 Places I’d Rather Be:
Venice, Switzerland, my roof, and JUDE ledge.
4 People I’m Tagging:
Joe BR, Cyber Monkey, Rukmini, Starry.

Presenting... the Pot-Luck-Lunch-at-Ruki’s-place Awards!

PJ of the Day: “Abhijan and Rudrani’s relationship is a big ‘Joe-ke’!” – by yours truly. (Well, it was the truth, not my fault if they didn’t believe it then! Ha..)
Discovery of the Day: Judeans are fabulous cooks- right from Rajma Curry to Firni, every single dish was delicious!
Instruction of the Day: “You don’t need to geographically allocate your awkward pauses!” - Anomitra.
Love affair of the Day: Jijo, with my chocolate cake. “Tuna, your cake was delicious.” X 100 times. And after 5 minutes, randomly, “Yeah, so-and-so song is nice… Tuna, your cake was amazing!” and “Oh, you should watch that movie! By the way, Tuna, your cake was too good!” and so on and so forth…
Business Decision of the Day: Rukmini might set up an online information site, and call it ‘Rukipedia’!
Apology of the Day: “I’m sorry, I cooked loads of rice, I think it must have shrunk!” – Nilanjana.
Polite Line of the Day: Sandy (the only one trying very hard to concentrate on ‘Beerfest’ in the midst of a room full of noisy people): “Ei, is the volume on maximum?” (In other words, “Shut the f*ck up, you people, and let me watch!”)

Thank you, everyone, for an absolutely brilliant time! We must do this again soon. *hug*

Just To Clear The Air.

I have never felt the need to make all aspects of my life public, neither have I ever considered it necessary to blog about every single feeling about every event and happening in life. I am a private person, opening up only to a few. That’s why my blog is titled ‘Irrelevant Banter’- so I can talk about random irrelevant things, without having to go into the deeper aspects. Yes, I do talk about deep stuff once in a while, but when that happens, you’ll notice that I skim over the surface, talking about it in such an impersonal way that no one can really guess what my true feelings are. As I said, I’m a private person, and I usually like to keep it that way.

However, taking into account certain circumstances, I have decided to break one of my own rules and be a little more personal, and talk about a certain event that has taken place. I wasn’t going to blog about it in the first place, but as I said, I am taking into account certain circumstances.Well, then, here goes.

S and I have broken up, after being with each other for a little more than 2 years. We ended it last Monday. For many of you, this will come as a shock, considering that we have always had a very stable, secure relationship- and everyone thought we’d be the couple to ‘make it’. If it helps, we thought so too. But you know, things change. And people change. And so do situations.

And when that happens, you just have to accept it and move on.

It wasn’t easy, making the decision. But it was necessary. And now that we have broken up, I feel much happier, much lighter. Yes, I am miserable at losing him, of course- he came into my life a little over 2 years ago and made it a much happier one.

But I am not heartbroken. Certainly not. Because we are still very good friends, we ended everything on very amicable terms, and we look back on our relationship with good memories. In the long run, I think that’s more sensible than dragging out a bond that is slowly ceasing to exist, and then looking back with regret and sorrow.

Our friends are shocked, of course. They find it hard to believe. It’s sweet, in a way, to know that everyone had such faith in us. It’s also a little sad to realize that in some way, we have broken that faith. But thank you for the concern. It means a lot to us. S and I have both received a lot of support, from friends who have known us separately and as a couple, and it has helped us get through things.

Little Boxes, thank you for your blogpost. It was amazingly sweet, a very nice gesture, and I know it came from the heart. But please realize that the inevitable has happened, and chances are- we will not be getting back together. And also realize that that’s okay. It’s probably the better thing to do.

I have been very personal in this post, and revealed a lot more than I usually do, but of course I shall not reveal the details as to why we broke up. Suffice to say we had good reason, and that it has been the healthy decision.

Yes, I was in a bad state last week, but I am through the worst now. You see, once you get through the initial bumps and the initial depression, you see the truth- that this was a prudent and sensible judgment.

There are many who might feel that this was the wrong decision to make, that when you have a bond such as ours you don’t break it. There are many who want us back together immediately. One of my friends actually said, “This can’t be true. It’s like believing in something, and then finding out it doesn’t exist. Don’t take away the hope.” As I said, I’m touched. But I hope you will realize that things don’t always work out the way you want. On the other hand, sometimes they do.

I’ve been told that love doesn’t need to be limited by the boundaries of a relationship. And it’s surprising how true that is. Because even though my steady relationship with S is over, I still love him, and a part of me always will. Breaking up will never come in between that.

I’ve been miserable, yes. I’ve cried, yes. I’ve had sudden bouts of depression, yes. But I’m better now. I’m feeling happier. I’m not disillusioned with love, I’m not bitter, and I’m certainly not full of spite or negative emotion.

Because we’ve done the healthy thing.So thank you, everyone, for the support and the concern, it’s good to know we have friends who care about us so much. But this post was needed, to clear the air, to bring to the surface the fact that I'm dealing with it.
Like The Beatles said, “You have to admit it’s getting better. It’s getting better all the time.”