...Because sometimes you just don't get to do the things you really want to do. You don't get to let your hair down, and have some totally spontaneous, free-spirited fun, not worrying about the consequences. Because that is what I do, I worry about the consequences of my actions, and what will happen later, and so I inevitably pass up tempting times when I could possibly have been crazily irresponsible with a devil-may-care attitude. I could make a career out of sticking to my deadlines, of following the rules and sticking to the straight and narrow.
My best friend keeps asking me why and how I am so 'together' - I don't know why I am, really. Maybe it's a defence mechanism, maybe I just don't want to lose control, maybe I am scared of what will happen if I do. I have made it a habit to be balanced, to be mature and responsible, and to stick by my values, but sometimes, honestly - I wonder what would happen if I just got rid of all those notions, even if temporarily.
And now, when I have fever and am feeling unwell, I can't even curl up under my quilt and shut out the world, I have to make myself hot cups of tea to ease my sore throat, keep track of my temperature, and then go pick up Ma from the airport. Because there are chores to be done, articles to be written, and work to be done, and of course - being an adult is so much fun, with all its responsibility and requirements of keeping a straight head on your shoulders.
This post makes no sense, probably - but I have fever and I think allowances may be made for that. Blah to you.
3 comments:
I only ask you how you are together all the time, because it is SUCH a pain not to be. I am a living, walking example of that. You are amazing the way you are and sometimes I think it's so so much better to be responsible to yourself and to others. Really.
It is. :)
@ Storyteller: Heh. Yeah, that was one of those moments. On the whole, I like being the way I am - level-headed, responsible, boring, et al!
@ Monidipa: :)
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