Monday, 2 June 2008

Just To Clear The Air.

I have never felt the need to make all aspects of my life public, neither have I ever considered it necessary to blog about every single feeling about every event and happening in life. I am a private person, opening up only to a few. That’s why my blog is titled ‘Irrelevant Banter’- so I can talk about random irrelevant things, without having to go into the deeper aspects. Yes, I do talk about deep stuff once in a while, but when that happens, you’ll notice that I skim over the surface, talking about it in such an impersonal way that no one can really guess what my true feelings are. As I said, I’m a private person, and I usually like to keep it that way.
However, taking into account certain circumstances, I have decided to break one of my own rules and be a little more personal, and talk about a certain event that has taken place. I wasn’t going to blog about it in the first place, but as I said, I am taking into account certain circumstances.Well, then, here goes.
S and I have broken up, after being with each other for a little more than 2 years. We ended it last Monday. For many of you, this will come as a shock, considering that we have always had a very stable, secure relationship- and everyone thought we’d be the couple to ‘make it’. If it helps, we thought so too. But you know, things change. And people change. And so do situations.
And when that happens, you just have to accept it and move on.
It wasn’t easy, making the decision. But it was necessary. And now that we have broken up, I feel much happier, much lighter. Yes, I am miserable at losing him, of course- he came into my life a little over 2 years ago and made it a much happier one.
But I am not heartbroken. Certainly not. Because we are still very good friends, we ended everything on very amicable terms, and we look back on our relationship with good memories. In the long run, I think that’s more sensible than dragging out a bond that is slowly ceasing to exist, and then looking back with regret and sorrow.
Our friends are shocked, of course. They find it hard to believe. It’s sweet, in a way, to know that everyone had such faith in us. It’s also a little sad to realize that in some way, we have broken that faith. But thank you for the concern. It means a lot to us. S and I have both received a lot of support, from friends who have known us separately and as a couple, and it has helped us get through things.
Little Boxes, thank you for your blogpost. It was amazingly sweet, a very nice gesture, and I know it came from the heart. But please realize that the inevitable has happened, and chances are- we will not be getting back together. And also realize that that’s okay. It’s probably the better thing to do.
I have been very personal in this post, and revealed a lot more than I usually do, but of course I shall not reveal the details as to why we broke up. Suffice to say we had good reason, and that it has been the healthy decision.
Yes, I was in a bad state last week, but I am through the worst now. You see, once you get through the initial bumps and the initial depression, you see the truth- that this was a prudent and sensible judgment.
There are many who might feel that this was the wrong decision to make, that when you have a bond such as ours you don’t break it. There are many who want us back together immediately. One of my friends actually said, “This can’t be true. It’s like believing in something, and then finding out it doesn’t exist. Don’t take away the hope.” As I said, I’m touched. But I hope you will realize that things don’t always work out the way you want. On the other hand, sometimes they do.
I’ve been told that love doesn’t need to be limited by the boundaries of a relationship. And it’s surprising how true that is. Because even though my steady relationship with S is over, I still love him, and a part of me always will. Breaking up will never come in between that.
I’ve been miserable, yes. I’ve cried, yes. I’ve had sudden bouts of depression, yes. But I’m better now. I’m feeling happier. I’m not disillusioned with love, I’m not bitter, and I’m certainly not full of spite or negative emotion.
Because we’ve done the healthy thing.So thank you, everyone, for the support and the concern, it’s good to know we have friends who care about us so much. But this post was needed, to clear the air, to bring to the surface the fact that I'm dealing with it.
Like The Beatles said, “You have to admit it’s getting better. It’s getting better all the time.”


Joé B R said...

the font is too small :( people have to squint to read it

little boxes said...

ya it's all ok i know..
in a strange weird way,i am proud of you and your strength.
hold on,things cant get any worse and i am sure they will be fine in no time.and as for me,i am fine as long as you two are...
it's not easy watching something grow up right in front your eyes and then realising that everything disappeared while you took a blink.
take care.

Elendil said...

Love is like cake. You give away little pieces and you never get them back. Fuck 'relationships', that's just a contruct of society. As long as you know it's for the best.

*hug* All the best.

the soliloquist said...

This is one of the most mature posts I've seen in a long time.

Fishy! said...

@ Joe BR: Does that suit Your Majesty?

@ Little Boxes: Don't say things can't get any worse, because I wouldn't really define them as 'bad' right now. I know it's not easy realising everything has disappeared, but try and think of it this way- maybe it hasn't disappeared, but has taken a different form.

@ Elendil: I have to say I disagree with you, I got huge amounts of 'cake' back. But thanks for the good wishes. :)

@ The Soliloquist: *greatbighug right back at you*

rukmini said...


Cook-out at my place. Saturday. ;)

cyber monkey said...

you're so allgrownup about this! :)

Joé B R said...

whaay, i can read it now!
okay, what was this about again..*reads the full thing*
yeah makes sense :)

anyway, i still want my chicken from the previous post.

Fishy! said...

@ Rukmini: Will be there!

@ Cyber Monkey: Grown-up? Haha.. Naah, just doing the right thing. :)

@ Joe BR: Yes yes, you shall get it. *sigh*

Elendil said...

No no, that's not what I meant. What I meant is you give away bits of yourself, and no matter how many years go by, bits of you will always be with that person. Forget it. Just like me, to be lecturing at times like this


Joé B R said...

i still didnt get the chicken

Achluophobia said...

Well, I didn't know till a few days back, and well at first I was shocked. Then I was sad, then I called S, he seemed fine with it. Then I read this post. I am still in awe at both of u, even in break-up u guys are perfect. Looking back at something and finding something amiss and then making a decision like this can never be easy. To your strength, I could've never been that strong. Never was, in my past. You guys have been an inspiration on how it should be. Thank you.

Fishy! said...

@ Achluophobia: Thank you. That means a lot to me. *hug*