Thursday, 29 July 2010

Angst. And Some Mild Rage.

I'm sick and tired of all this. I don't know how exactly to explain it, and I'm not even sure that I want to - I've always been a fiercely private person, never wearing my heart on my sleeve. And perhaps that's the problem. That my emotions are private. Certain people sometimes think I'm too private, that it's not normal to be so. And then, invariably, they  automatically perceive me as indifferent or heartless, when all I'm really trying to do is keep my emotions to myself and just carry on with life.
Which is better? Is it better to parade your happiness, your sadness, your ecstasy, and your heartbreak out there, for the world to see, laugh at, and talk about? Or is it more sensible to be the oyster-like person that I am, coming out only if necessary and to select people, and therefore berated for supposedly being socially dysfunctional?
Sometimes, I couldn't care less. When something's not meant to work, it isn't meant to work - and that's really all there is to it. All the meaningful discussions and promises-to-do-better couldn't make a difference. And certain people should really learn to move on. I'm not saying it's easy for everyone, but we all go through our share of trauma and unhappiness - God knows I've been through my share, so do you blame me for using an unemotional front as a defence mechanism?

14 comments:

storyteller said...

I know it for a fact that amazing things are in store for you. I love you, Tuna.You're one of the most genuine and amazing people I have met.

elizabethbennet said...

I do not know weather it would be appropiate for me to comment on this as it is a bit of a personal post. But I just want to say, that I cannot agree more. I know when you tell people to move on, they usually retort saying that easier said than done, but it IS easy. It is definitely easier than holding the grudge to your heart and being a mess throught your life for one thing which did not work out. And, I'd just like to say, that ofcourse it hurts when people blabber such nonsense, but you should just let it be. They dont understand and they never will. What matters is if they matter to you, and if you agree with what they're saying. Using the lack of emotionality is not a good or bad thing, but its just harmful for your person, in the long run. And I say this with nothing if not personal experience.
I hope you get all the happiness :)

Magically Bored said...

@ Storyteller: Haha, well, let's hope you're right. :)

@ ElizabethBennet: It's not a lack of emotionality, it's just an unwillingness to parade it. I like being a private person and I always have, and it's irritating when people assume that calmness equals indifference.

Monidipa said...

Who says you're socially dysfunctional? I should then dig a grave and bury myself in it, because not only do I not talk about my life to people I don't want, I mislead overtly curious people by saying something completely different that's often more convincing than the truth. :D


And I deeply love the new blog template. I will now proceed to steal it.

Leonardo said...

Sometimes, you end up thinking that you're shooting bokeh, while it really is just water on your own camera lens. Of course that doesn't make it any less real in appearance. But that is what it is.

J. Alfred Prufrock said...

I have no idea what provoked this rant, but I am all for someone who quotes Prufrock and spells "ecstasy" correctly.

J.A.P.

Magically Bored said...

@ Monidipa: *sigh* What will happen to us? We are such oddities of Nature.

@ Leonardo: Very profound!

@ J. Alfred Prufrock: I have been a follower of your blog for ages, love, absolutely love your writing. And what is life without T.S. Eliot and correct spelling? :)

Radioactive Ape said...

hey i'm a social failure too !!

bake me a cake ?

Magically Bored said...

@ Radioactive Ape: Hehe. Cake might come later. Who are you?

Arse Poetica. said...

I love you so much. Don't bake me a cake. Just love me back. :P
*hugs*

Mayank said...

i understand the trials ... its always a battle between the 'self' & others.....

sagar V said...

it is dearth of smth??look inside,

Magically Bored said...

@ Arse Poetica: Haha, sure. :)

@ Mayank: Yup, exactly.

Magically Bored said...

@ Arse Poetica: Haha, sure. :)

@ Mayank: Yup, exactly.