To You.

You came into my life unexpectedly, like a firefly that suddenly flits into the darkness of the night and brightens it up.
And somewhere along the line, somewhere among the walks and the drives, the talks and the texts - you have become a part of me.

Happiness.

Happiness is curling up in bed while a thunderstorm rages outside. Digging into a plateful of steaming hot Pasta, with Pickles at my feet, and dancing in the rain afterwards. Then breathing in the heady smell of the earth - that delightful snorgasbord of rain, grass and air - that combines to make you feel both cool and warm at the same time.
Happiness is completing three undergraduate years at JUDE, looking back on the numerous cups of Iced Tea, the good and the bad classes, the picnics and the photographs, the retardness, and the friends.
Happiness is a long drive along the streets of Calcutta, followed by a stroll along Prinsep Ghat, rounded off with spicy Momos. Happiness is the feel of your hand, the sound of your voice, and the beep of my phone whenever it's a text message from you.
Happiness is making it through certain stressful-painful days in one piece, going to sleep at night knowing something's been accomplished, knowing I've made a difference. Because all the sharp words, all the criticism, and all the sarcasm - it's all temporary. I know what I'm worth, what I'm capable of - and as long as the people who matter know, that's all I need.

Just To Clear The Air.

I have never felt the need to make all aspects of my life public, neither have I ever considered it necessary to blog about every single feeling about every event and happening in life. I am a private person, opening up only to a few. That’s why my blog is titled ‘Irrelevant Banter’- so I can talk about random irrelevant things, without having to go into the deeper aspects. Yes, I do talk about deep stuff once in a while, but when that happens, you’ll notice that I skim over the surface, talking about it in such an impersonal way that no one can really guess what my true feelings are. As I said, I’m a private person, and I usually like to keep it that way.

However, taking into account certain circumstances, I have decided to break one of my own rules and be a little more personal, and talk about a certain event that has taken place. I wasn’t going to blog about it in the first place, but as I said, I am taking into account certain circumstances.Well, then, here goes.

S and I have broken up, after being with each other for a little more than 2 years. We ended it last Monday. For many of you, this will come as a shock, considering that we have always had a very stable, secure relationship- and everyone thought we’d be the couple to ‘make it’. If it helps, we thought so too. But you know, things change. And people change. And so do situations.

And when that happens, you just have to accept it and move on.

It wasn’t easy, making the decision. But it was necessary. And now that we have broken up, I feel much happier, much lighter. Yes, I am miserable at losing him, of course- he came into my life a little over 2 years ago and made it a much happier one.

But I am not heartbroken. Certainly not. Because we are still very good friends, we ended everything on very amicable terms, and we look back on our relationship with good memories. In the long run, I think that’s more sensible than dragging out a bond that is slowly ceasing to exist, and then looking back with regret and sorrow.

Our friends are shocked, of course. They find it hard to believe. It’s sweet, in a way, to know that everyone had such faith in us. It’s also a little sad to realize that in some way, we have broken that faith. But thank you for the concern. It means a lot to us. S and I have both received a lot of support, from friends who have known us separately and as a couple, and it has helped us get through things.

Little Boxes, thank you for your blogpost. It was amazingly sweet, a very nice gesture, and I know it came from the heart. But please realize that the inevitable has happened, and chances are- we will not be getting back together. And also realize that that’s okay. It’s probably the better thing to do.

I have been very personal in this post, and revealed a lot more than I usually do, but of course I shall not reveal the details as to why we broke up. Suffice to say we had good reason, and that it has been the healthy decision.

Yes, I was in a bad state last week, but I am through the worst now. You see, once you get through the initial bumps and the initial depression, you see the truth- that this was a prudent and sensible judgment.

There are many who might feel that this was the wrong decision to make, that when you have a bond such as ours you don’t break it. There are many who want us back together immediately. One of my friends actually said, “This can’t be true. It’s like believing in something, and then finding out it doesn’t exist. Don’t take away the hope.” As I said, I’m touched. But I hope you will realize that things don’t always work out the way you want. On the other hand, sometimes they do.

I’ve been told that love doesn’t need to be limited by the boundaries of a relationship. And it’s surprising how true that is. Because even though my steady relationship with S is over, I still love him, and a part of me always will. Breaking up will never come in between that.

I’ve been miserable, yes. I’ve cried, yes. I’ve had sudden bouts of depression, yes. But I’m better now. I’m feeling happier. I’m not disillusioned with love, I’m not bitter, and I’m certainly not full of spite or negative emotion.

Because we’ve done the healthy thing.So thank you, everyone, for the support and the concern, it’s good to know we have friends who care about us so much. But this post was needed, to clear the air, to bring to the surface the fact that I'm dealing with it.
Like The Beatles said, “You have to admit it’s getting better. It’s getting better all the time.”

The Second Anniversary

Happy Anniversary to us. Two years. Wow.

You rock my world.

Random thoughts on the 1 and 1/2 year anniversary.

A drunk man in the middle of the road. Getting excited while in tuition. Text messages that say a lot while saying nothing at all. Wrong spellings. The 10th and the 11th. A little locked room. The pink ribbon. A torn shirt pocket. The crystal oyster. A black and a red rose. Numity wumity. Whispered conversations in the middle of the night. Morphed pictures. Napkin-ball throwing at Cafe Coffee Day. Malpoa and icecream. Batch Night. Grey T-shirts. Crazy cab rides. 22nd April 2006. Heart shaped balloons outside KFC. Fish earrings. 19 presents on my 19th birthday. Dhoom 2. Conference calls. Bundles of letters. 25th September 2007. "Top of the World". Inbox flooding. LMG back staircase. A breath of fresh air. Gnum. A toy lizard. Raindrops. The side of the road. The bottlebrush. Marble cake.

"I've finally found the love of a lifetime. A love to last my whole life through." - Firehouse.

Thank you.

Thank you for...

1. Being the knight in shining armour and 'rescuing' me, when I needed to be.
2. Always having balance to call me, when I need to talk.
3. Tolerating my moods of happiness, sadness, fuzziness, and irrelevance.
4. Not groaning in disgust whenever I say I have nothing to wear.
5. Showing me that there ARE people who are willing to help out others, without expecting anything in return, just to be nice.
6. Patiently listening to all my nonsense.
7. All our dates.
8. Being the quintessential 'friend, philosopher, and guide'.
9. Showing me 'how to live, and how to love'.
10. Being mine.